


Heartlines

by apostate_anima



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Eventual smut in between, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Some angst, characters will be added as they make appearances, mostly a look into their relationship beyond what the game shows, spoilers obviously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-10-17 02:10:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10584249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apostate_anima/pseuds/apostate_anima
Summary: With the Ryder name tarnished by her father's dishonorable discharge from the Alliance and the loss of her mother still hurting so vividly, Sara Ariadne 'Ari' Ryder joined the Andromeda Initiative to start a new life alongside her twin brother. However, she did not expect things to go so wrong so quickly when they finally crossed dark space. The newly appointed Pathfinder did not foresee gaining a new family either, or a valuable friend for whom she gradually grows fond of. She soon realizes that the Initiative manual and First Contact Protocol did not cover what to do in case of developing romantic feelings for someone local to Andromeda. Just like her newly found Pathfinder job, Sara Ariadne just rolls with it and sees what happens.





	1. Chapter 1

This was it, she thought. This is the last time she would have him aboard the Tempest, just when they were getting to know and trust each other. But that was the deal right? She helped him with his missions in Havarl and Voeld, she won Evfra’s trust (well, somewhat, in a way), and he went back to the Resistance. They’d saved the Moshae, whom now recovered in the medbay while they set course back to Aya. Though, they all agreed that since he joined nearly a month ago he’d become a great addition to the team.

 

“Jaal?” she announced her presence when she stepped into the tech lab. His broad back was to her, while he remained staring at a hologram for the moment. “Hey...How are you doing? Is there anything I can do for you?”

 

“It’s kind of you to check up on me, Ryder,” he turned towards her just as he closed the holo, eyes downcast before they finally met hers. “But I am alright.”

 

A long sigh left her lips, hand coming up to rub her temple. “Honestly, don’t know if I would be alright. Just imagining if it were my people...gods…” The thought alone chilled her to the bone.

  
“I have to be fine. How else do we go on?” he replied rather calmly, though the tone of his voice was nonetheless grave and somber, “You know?” He was uncharacteristically short with his words, as if silently inviting her to speak if she wished to do so.

 

For a moment she hesitated, weight shifting from one leg to another, mouth opening and closing before she finally just spoke her mind. “Look, Jaal, I know we humans don’t seem so expressive or forward with our emotions as angara but well, we’re not all like that. Depends on our cultural backgrounds really,” she said before shaking her head, getting back to her point. “What I mean to say is, I got a good shoulder. And a good ear if you just want to talk it out.”

 

“That’s...kind. You’re kind,” he said softly, his gaze softening, releasing a shuddering breath before he went on, “The truth of what the kett have...done to my people. The realization that I’ve been killing them without...without knowing...It haunts me. Yet, I must remain strong. For the Resistance, for your team and for you, Pathfinder. You have proven you are more than trustworthy. You are kind, selfless, inspiring, relentless...I admire you.”

  
Sara had to do a double take, her eyebrows rising at his declaration. Was this man even real? “Shit, Jaal, I came here to check if you needed some comfort, now you’re throwing all these compliments at me,” she chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck.

  
“I mean it,” he was quick to reply without missing a beat. “I didn’t think it possible to trust an alien, yet here we are.”

 

“Here we are,” she repeated and nodded, unsure on what to say. The conversation had certainly taken an unexpected turn and she wasn’t sure whether it was appropriate to keep it derailed from her original intentions as it was. Perhaps, she thought, it was a good distraction for him. However, before she could decide on what to say, he was already speaking again.

  
“I do admit, I really miss my family at times like this,” Jaal confided, his gaze dropping, staring at nothing in particular.

 

Oh, that hit close to home. Yet, she was here to comfort him, she didn’t need be distracted by her own family tragedy—she didn’t need to burden him like that, not in a time like this. Heck, he’s probably just staying on Aya, what was she even thinking? He absolutely didn’t need her to burden him with her own troubled emotions. If he was going to somewhat remember her, she preferred it was as someone supportive and not as that human with the family drama.

 

“Well, I’m no family, but I do give mean hugs if...you need one,” she cleared her throat, trying to defuse the awkwardness of her offer. Why was she even offering this? Silently she chastised herself, knowing she was just being a sappy fool for her short-lived friendship with this angara. “I know it helps when I’m feeling sad.”

  
Jaal frowned, tilting his head in confusion. “ _Mean_ hugs? How can hugs be mean?”

  
“Oh, it’s just an expression. It just means I give good hugs,” she snorted, avoiding his eyes and waving her hand dismissively, instantly regretting her offer. “Forget I said anything, I’m probably crossing a line here—”

 

However, Sara was promptly cut off when Jaal stepped towards, towering over her much like the first time they met, except...This time she wasn’t intimidated. She stared up in silent wonder, dumbfounded even before he bent down to her level and wrapped his arms around her, taking her up on her offer.

 

“Oh...Jaal?” she nearly gasped, feeling her cheeks burn. Quickly she managed to react, returning the hug, tightening around him as best she could with her limited reach. “Alright…”

  
It was only for a few seconds but it was enough. Enough for her to get a close smell of his scent, more intoxicating up close than she thought possible. Enough for her to feel how broad he was, how soft his Rofjinn was against her cheek. Enough for her to realize that...Gods! She didn’t want him to leave just yet! Not now, she thought, not when she was just beginning to grow fond of him, to get used to having him around, to...think of him as a friend. A very endearing friend but a friend nonetheless.

 

“Thank you, Ryder…” his breath tickled the top her head before he pulled away, large hands on her shoulders. “And you’re not crossing a line. We angara enjoy hugging rather a lot.”

  
“Good to know,” she smiled, the awkwardness she felt before the hug nearly gone. It was instead replaced by a silent dread over potentially not seeing him again—or at least, not very frequently. Couldn’t he just stay here? Well, regardless, perhaps if she kept talking, their inevitable arrival on Aya would seem to be more delayed. “So, you talk about family a lot. I take it families are really important to your people?”

 

“Yes,” he replied, arms falling at his sides. “Our families are...very large. We all have many mothers, we share our parents with the community.”

 

Her brows rose at that, green eyes glinting with interest and curiosity. Of course, he’d mentioned his ‘mothers’ before but she hadn’t had the confidence to ask him back when he mentioned them. She’d assumed perhaps he had two mothers perhaps. “Really? That’s interesting,” she said. “I think some cultures back on Earth did something similar.”

 

“I’d love to read more on that,” he offered a small smile. For a moment he paused, blue starry eyes shifting away from hers, thoughtful, as if considering his next words. Finally, he looked to her in earnest.  “What about your family, Ryder? You told me you lost your father not long ago but...you haven’t mentioned anyone else.”

 

Oh, great. Here she was thinking how she didn’t wish to burden him with her family tragedy and...he was asking. How could she deny him when he was being so polite and sweet the whole time? How, when he genuinely seemed to wish to know more about her? Well, at least he seemed distracted from his disturbed feelings regarding Exaltation. Perhaps that is what he needed, to speak of matters other than what they learned of the kett.

  
“Umm…” Sara hesitated at first, shifting her weight from leg to leg. By the universe, she could feel her heart drumming all the way to her skull. It seemed she wasn’t that recovered from her emotional turmoil regarding her family after all. Silly, she thought, she was silly to think that with humor and sarcasm she could get over her own issues. With a deep breath, she resolved herself to finally speak, “Well, I’m parentless...My mother she...died before I joined the Initiative.” Her gaze dropped, avoiding Jaal’s to try to keep her feelings in check–last thing she wanted was to burst into tears.

 

Jaal kept his gaze on her, now filled with pain for her. “I’m...sorry to hear that,” he said softly, placing a hand on her shoulder. She looked up to him upon the gesture, finding his gaze once more. “My condolences.”

 

Sara nodded and muttered a soft ‘thank you’ before going on, patting the hand on her shoulder. “And I have a twin,” she smiled sadly. “His name is Julian Scott. I was born a minute before him, he’s my baby twin,” she laughed lightly, an attempt to calm her emotions.

 

“Is he…” Jaal started, eye ridges rising in question.

 

“He’s alive. But…” she replied quickly, pausing to take a deep breath as she recalled their arrival to Andromeda. “When the Hyperion hit the Scourge, his cryo pod was damaged and his stasis awakening was interrupted so...He’s in a medically induced coma just...recovering. And I’m here, alone, basically an orphan trying to figure out what the hell I’m doing while trying to keep myself afloat…” Sara’s voice increasingly rose the quicker she spoke, gasping to catch her breath and finally breaking off her rant. Frowning, she dropped her gaze once more, brow scrunching up as she rubbed at her temples. “Ugh, sorry, Jaal, I’m sorry, you don’t need this depressing shit from me...”

 

The angara’s eyes widened, shaking his head quickly as he took her by the shoulders gently, giving a light squeeze. “No, don’t apologize,” he said, his tone unwavering, genuine. Sad, green eyes with tears daring to fall looked up to him, almost disbelieving that he was before her, that he was here for her as she was for him. “I can tell you...haven’t spoken much of what has happened, have you?”

 

She shook her head, sighing in defeat.

 

“For what it’s worth,” Jaal started, “I am also here for you. What has happened to you is a great burden and I admire how strong you are in the face of adversity.”

 

There was such sincerity in Jaal’s grave voice that Sara could barely believe he was real. Or rather, she could barely believe they had started out as strangers who never imagined they would trust one another. Her goal had only been to get him and Evfra to trust her just enough. Just enough to start setting up diplomatic relations between the Milky Way species and the angara. Never in her wildest dreams did she imagine that they would end up like this, as...friends.

 

“You’re too nice too me,” she sniffed, lips quirking up into half smile. “I came here to see how you were doing and now I’m the one getting emotional. Ah, Jaal…I really am gonna miss you.” Sara cleared her throat, letting out a puff of breath to calm herself, and yet still rubbing away a tear that managed to escape.

 

Jaal’s expression turned to one of earnest confusion, dropping his arms at his side. “Miss me?” he quirked an eye ridge, his eyes shifting momentarily as if searching his thoughts. “What makes you say that? Am I...getting ‘kicked out’ of your team?” he tried the human expression, having learned the term ‘kicked out’ earlier from Liam in one of their missions. Slowly he frowned sadly, pursing his lips, nearly pouting, looking almost...hurt.

 

“No?” It was now Sara whom tilted her head in confusion, looking up at Jaal. Oh and did he have to make that face? She wished she could take back what she said just to have him not look like a kicked puppy. “I just—I assume you’re going back to the Resistance, I mean...Technically your missions with me are done...aren’t they?” Once more she fidgeted, unsure of what she was saying. It would be terribly selfish to just ask him to stay...right? Then again, he didn’t seem intent on leaving. Sara had to admit, that made her heart flutter a bit.

 

Instantly he understood, eyes slowly crinkling as he fully smiled. He laughed heartily then, throwing his head back.

 

“Jaal?” she quirked an eyebrow at him, confused as to why he was so amused. Honestly, this man was a bag of emotions (and she kinda liked that).

 

“Oh, Pathfinder, forgive me. You see, I am more pleased to be here than with my position in the Resistance. An amusing thing, no? To think I am more satisfied with what I’m doing among aliens, I can barely believe it myself,” he chuckled. “If you would have me, I would like to stay. I feel that you are going to accomplish many great things and I would be honored to help you achieve your goals, to continue helping others and seeking a way to defeat the kett.”

  
“Oh...Oh! Of course you can stay!” she nearly yelled in excitement, flinching at herself. Her cheeks burned with embarrassment and she cleared her throat. “Sorry, I yell when I get excited.”

 

Slowly he grinned, eyes half-lidded, looking almost smug. “It...excites you that I wish to stay?”

 

Sara widened her eyes in shock at him, shaking her head in disbelief momentarily. Where did that shit-eating grin come from? Oh, he was getting too comfortable around her. She should be wagging her finger at him for how smug he was being, especially when she was so worried she would not see him again–the ass! Yet, her words betrayed her as she fumbled to explain herself, “I...Well! I like having you around, you’re interesting, and you’re resourceful, and kind and—It makes me happy. To. Have you around. You’re cool.”

 

 _‘Great going, Sara Ariadne,’_ she thought, mentally slapping herself.

  
“Cool?” he repeated the word, making note to ask about it later. Right now, he seemed more intent on responding to her positive reception of him. Smiling, he said, “I too enjoy being here. I have to speak with Evfra but I doubt he would pose much of an opposition.”

 

“Awesome, umm...” she was for some reason at a loss of words and scrambled on what to do. Panicking, she gave him two thumbs-up. He stared at her thumbs, quirking an eye ridge in confusion. Jaal opened his mouth then when SAM interrupted them both.

 

“Pathfinder, ETA to Aya is 15 minutes. You are also required at the bridge,” SAM spoke over the comms.

 

“So, we’re almost at Aya, umm…I’ll just–” she cleared her throat, continuously mentally slapping herself for having lost her flow and just going with whatever first left her mouth. It was the smugness, that was it. He ruined her when he showed her he had a smug side. And when he admitted he wanted to stay. Really, everything had gone so differently but in a good way. Finally, she slowly she stepped away from him until the tech lab door opened behind her and she waved at him awkwardly. “Go get ready. Bye,”

  
Jaal chuckled, eyes following her until she stepped out of the tech lab. “Until later, Ryder.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

> _“I see the benefit. Request granted.”_

It had been nearly two weeks since Jaal had been granted permission to remain in the Tempest as part of the Human Pathfinder’s team. The fact that Evfra had granted his request elated Jaal and had confounded Ryder. Of course, she didn’t know Evfra as he did. Cold and aloof as he was, he knew his superior would not be difficult to convince, especially after Ryder had proven her intentions of helping to be genuine—even if Evfra didn’t trust _her_ personally. Still, that didn’t stop his superior from warning him once more to be careful before he got back in the Tempest.

 

> _“Don’t let your guard down.”_

Evfra had warned him, still Jaal found himself more comfortable and relaxed around this group of aliens the more time he spent with them. Especially their leader, Pathfinder Ryder...Sara. She was strange, so alien, yet she fascinated him the most. It seemed to him she was also taken with him. They mutually sought each other out, be it for simple curious talks, or tinkering together, as they were at the moment.

His gaze set upon her, watching her across the table where she sat, curled over her favoured shotgun, frowning while she took it apart to install a new mod. A smile crept on his lips, delighted by how she freely expressed herself–even if at the moment it was cussing at her shotgun mod for refusing to be installed correctly.

It got him thinking about how she seemed more expressive than other humans (well, the ones he’d met anyway and the others in the crew) and yet reserved under certain situations. When she was with her crew she seemed more open, relaxed even, easily embarrassed under some circumstances but not in others (for one, she was quite famous for shamelessly breaking into song at random moments).

On the other hand, she closed herself off during meetings with her Nexus superiors—though her body language exuded pure annoyance and at times contained anger in those moments when he’d been present for vidcom briefings.

Quietly he studied her–eyes drifting from her to his own rifle rhythmically. He pondered then on the endless questions he wished to ask her, an insatiable need to learn more about this curious human. It was then that a strand of hair fell out of her half-ponytail, prompting her to tuck it behind her ear, and he knew what his next question would be.

“Ryder,” he said, receiving a hum from her letting him know she was listening. “I’m curious about something...”

“Aren’t you always,” she laughed softly and winked at him when she looked up from her handy work. “What’s up, big guy?”

Jaal frowned, head tilting in mild confusion before he looked up...Nothing unusual there, he thought, wondering what she was getting at. “...The ship’s ceiling?” 

“Oh. Oh no, it’s an expression,” she giggled and snorted, gesturing with her hands while she searched for the words to explain it. “Its an invitation to keep talking, like, ‘what is it’ or in this case ‘what are you curious about’.”

“Ah! I see, I see,” Jaal chuckled, making a mental note to always remember that humans used a lot of idioms. Seriously, he needed to make a dictionary of all the idioms he’d learned. “Sorry, your people have so many expressions and idioms it...can be hard to keep up. Not counting the turians, asari, salarian and krogan…” 

“I know, right?” she nodded. Casually she leaned back in her chair and stretched out her arms above her head. “I can see how it gets confusing. Anyway, what were you curious about?”

“Ah, yes. Your hair actually. I didn’t think it appropriate to inquire on it before...considering…” he trailed off but she continued for him rather quickly.

“Considering we didn’t quite trust each other yet?”

He smiled. “Yes, precisely...How does it...feel? Does it bother you when it moves? Is it very sensitive?” 

“Oh, no, it’s basically dead,” Jaal’s eyes widened at that, only prompting Sara to snort and laugh before hurriedly explaining, “So only the root is alive, the follicles. It hurts if it gets pulled but it hurts at the root, you know, our scalp. You can touch it if you want.” Sara leaned forward then, releasing the rest of her hair from her half-ponytail, shaking her head in front of Jaal.

“Oh...Alright,” he cleared his throat and removed one of his gloves. Carefully he patted her head first, feeling its texture overall before deciding to take a strand of hair. Slowly he threaded his fingers through it, marvelling at how it moved around his fingers. “It’s...soft. Hmm, moves so easily.”

Sara snorted, “And it gets tangled just as easily. There’s also different textures. Finer, thicker strands, curly, wavy, straight hair, you name it.”

“And the color spectrum, how varied is it?” he asked while inspecting the curious color of her hair. Darkest at the roots, seemingly a medium-dark brown, it led into a gradient of light blue and lilac.

“Mostly browns, blacks, blondes, reds,” she replied, sitting back in her chair. “And it progressively turns gray when we get older until it's all white.”

Jaal quirked a brow ridge curiously. “And blues? Lilacs?”

“Oh! No, this is a dye,” she laughed, curling a finger around a strand and inspecting it. Leaning her head forward again, she pointed at her hair roots. “See? It’s already starting to grow out. My natural hair is like a copper brown color.”

“I see. The dye is a decoration then?” he concluded.

“Yeah,” she smiled and suddenly her face lit up, coming to a stand while opening up her omni tool. Walking around the table, she pulled her chair next to Jaal’s sitting next to him. “I actually have a picture from before I dyed it, right before I joined the Initiative. Wanna see?” 

“If you’d like to show me, I’d be delighted,” he grinned, touched by her interest in showing him what she used to look like.

Quickly she scrolled through a digital album, finally finding the picture she wanted and projecting it from her omni tool. “Here it is. What do you think?”

Jaal inspected the photo with genuine curiosity, head tilting slightly to the side. He recognized her face easily, fully grinning and posing by a window (seemingly from a ship) with a space station visible in the distance, one which the Sara in the picture pointed to. However, her natural hair color and long hair threw him off–it seemed he was used to how she looked now. True to her word, it used to be a copper-brown color, her hair reaching past her shoulders back then with layered bangs framing her face. It was...endearing to see her like that. Smiling widely, he switched between looking at her and the picture, something akin to adoration in his eyes.

“You looked different,” he commented, grinning back at the Sara in the picture. “But just as beautiful,” he said, as if it was the most natural thing to say to someone. 

Sara’s eyes widened, a blush burning up her cheeks upon his admission. Awkwardly she coughed, avoiding his gaze. “You think...I’m beautiful?” she laughed nervously. “But I’m an alien...” 

Jaal considered her reaction carefully, finding it curious how easy it was to tell when humans blushed. For a moment he thought it strange that she would react so bashfully, only to recall her species was more private in their feelings, which seemingly included compliments. “Yes. You may be an alien but I’ve learned to appreciate your beauty.”

“So…” she cleared her throat and despite her blushing, a mischievous smile drew itself upon her lips. “You only like me ‘cuz I’m pretty?”

“No!” he replied far too quickly, eyes widening as he hurried to explain himself further. The last thing he wanted was for her to think he only cared about only one of her many wonderful aspects. “Since we’ve been spending more time together, I...find that getting to know you better has been a gift. You are a lovely person, Ryder. You’re lovely, fascinating, a brilliant risk-taker, and smarter than you give yourself credit for. And though your humor stumps me at times,” he chuckled, “I find it very endearing. And quite funny once I understand the context.”

Sara seemed more than content with his words, smiling sweetly at him. For a moment she hesitated in what to do or say, crossing her arms over her chest, then thinking better of it, leaned against the table’s edge, fumbling again before resting her chin atop one of her hands and catching his gaze. “Well...I think you’re super great too, and smart, and considerate and…” she coughed, covering her mouth with her free hand and quickly whispered. “And handsome…”

It didn’t escape Jaal’s hearing however, and he grinned at her. “Thank you, Ryder. You’re...making me blush,” he cleared his throat, feeling his neck and cheeks burn up.

She laughed, “I can’t tell.” For a moment she was silent, simply staring back at him before she finally piped in all of a sudden, “So! What about your neck...flaps? Or your...crests? They sensitive?”

“The ridges under our crests are,” he replied, pointing to the bluish ridges between his crests. “And the insides of our...flaps,” he chuckled at the word of choice. “My turn for another question,” Jaal said, eager to touch upon his long list of curiosities about her.

“Shoot,” Sara said, reaching for her shotgun across the table to finish working on it.

Once more, Jaal found himself confused by her expressions. For a moment he was silent, considering what it meant. Shoot? Shoot what and why? He was embarrassed to think he would find himself asking her again what she meant. However, either because she was used to him by now or perhaps because she sensed his inner turmoil, Sara explained herself when he took too long to reply.

“It means ‘go ahead’,” she smiled warmly at him once more, no judgement in her green eyes when she glanced at him again. “Not literally ‘shoot’ something. Sorry, I keep confusing you, I don’t mean to.”

“Ah! Of course...Figured in context it couldn’t be literal,” he laughed, though he was immensely thankful for her patience with him. “Yes, my question. It’s about your name...or names. What does the ‘A’ after Sara stand for? Is it part of your family name?”

“Oh, no, the A stands for Ariadne, that’s my middle name,” she was quick to explain.

“Hm. A second name then besides your first name?” he quirked a brow ridge curiously. Afterall, angara only typically had one name besides their family name.

Sara nodded. “Not everyone has two names though, it's mostly a decision the parents make. Hey, sometimes we even have two last names. Technically I do, it’s actually Ryder-Harlow on my birth certificate and my ID. But for convenience’s sake everyone just shortens it to my dad’s last name.”

“Hm, that’s a lot of names,” he chuckled. “It occurs to me, I never asked what _you_ prefer to be called.”

She shrugged, eyes shifting in thought. “I mean, Ryder is fine, most everyone calls me that. Well, now anyways, besides Pathfinder,” she huffed, annoyance written all over her features, “Just Ryder might be confusing when Julian wakes up though...Anyway, aside from Pathfinder business, people usually call me Sara. And those who are closer to me call me Ari, usually friends...and family. Mostly my brother’s fault, he always liked using my middle name and just shortened it to Ari and...it just stuck.”

Jaal smiled at that, wonder in his large electric blue eyes. It was endearing, to have several manners in which to be called, he thought. Especially the nickname her brother had given her. Which still made him wonder...“Which would you prefer I use then? Though, admittedly, I do love both of your names.”

“Oh, thanks! Umm…” she pouted, tapping her chin while she thought it over. “Which one do you like better? Sara’s fine but...You can call me Ari or Ariadne if you want...um…” Trailing off, she fidgeted with her fingers, playing with the sleeves of her hoodie.

“Do you consider us to be close enough for me to call you by your middle name?” Even he had to admit, he would love to call her by a name she considered reserved for people who were closer to her. At least, he liked to think they had been getting close enough to consider each other friends. Then there was the flirting, which he too enjoyed, and seemingly so did she...

Another blush graced her cheeks, fidgeting once more and pulling on her hood over her head...before pulling it off again, as if she thought better on it. “Umm...Well, maybe? Yes? I mean, we’ve been...talking a lot, lately, since the Moshae rescuing...business...Since Havarl, really...Ah…I don’t know, like I said earlier, I do think you are very interesting. And kind. And your personality is super lovely. And...Well, do you like being my friend as much as...I...do?” she fidgeted with her tools now, doing nothing in particular with them except tapping them against the table. “I-I mean, on my part, I would like to keep doing this...This getting to know each other better. Spending time together...Ah…You said knowing me better has been a gift and...well...I sorta feel the same way about you....So I guess what I’m getting at is you can use my middle name if you want...I welcome it...”

The more she spoke, the wider his smile got. It was lovely, he thought, how despite struggling more than an angara in expressing her feelings, she still made the effort, even if it was evident she was nervous, perhaps, on what his reaction would be.

 

> _“Humans tend to fear rejection,”_ he recalled Lexi explain when he’d inquired on human behavior. _“So sometimes they will prefer to hide their true feelings instead of face the possibility of being rejected.”_

Jaal would not reject her, however, quite the opposite. He found himself wanting to be around her more and more. If anything he tried to make her feel as comfortable as possible whenever she expressed herself so freely.

“Ariadne,” he smiled, liking the way her middle name sounded, how it felt natural for him to say it. More than that, it made his heart flutter when her face lit up when he said it. “Yes, Sara Ariadne, I do like being your friend as much as you do,” he answered her question which was lost in her fumbling words not a moment ago. “And I would like to keep building on our friendship.”

Her smile grew wider at that and she leaned towards him, nudging him with her elbow. “Well then, I’m glad we’re on the same page then,” she giggled and suddenly cleared her throat. Her mood seemed to change in an instant, looking quite serious out of the blue. “Now...I have something _very_ important to ask you…” 

Jaal was taken aback, confused, wondering if he had done something wrong by human standards. “Yes? What’s wrong, what did I do?”

“It’s more about what I did,” she replied and pointed at her shotgun. Pouting then, she gave him an exaggeratedly sad look and whined, “Please, help me with my shotgun, I have no idea what I did with this mod!”

For a moment Jaal merely stared back before he burst out laughing—indeed, she was more amusing than he thought. His laughing became contagious as Sara joined him and doubled over, laughing hysterically. Leaning against him, she wheezed and choked in between laughs. Finally, she cleared her throat and, while she squeezed his shoulder, she said, “Okay but seriously, I think I fucked up my shotgun. Jaal, it’s my favorite...Help.”

* * *

 

Sara sang to herself as she made her way from the kitchen late at night with snacks back to her room. Though she was dressed in her pajamas already, she still had emails to answer for the day.

“Sara, you have email at your terminal,” SAM announced the moment she entered.

“I know, I know,” she replied, setting down her snacks and drink at her desk, “That’s what these are for.”

“How would you answer emails with food and a drink?” SAM inquired.

“It’s gonna help my brain think and keep me focused,” she snorted, plopping down in her chair and getting to work. “Also I got the munchies, so…” It wasn’t surprising, considering the amount of running around they’d done the last few days in Kadara. Ugh, _Kadara_ , she was probably the only one who hated it as much as Jaal. Yes, she needed the snacks, she deserved to treat herself.

Mindlessly she went through her long list of emails while she munched on her snacks, bored with most of the correspondence as many pertained to Nexus and Initiative matters. Too much dependence on her opinion, she thought with annoyance. Often she felt as many ‘problems’ brought to her could be resolved by the Nexus leaders themselves. Tann made it clear her position wasn’t above them so why even bother with consulting with her first? Some she answered at the moment, others she thought could stand to wait more for an answer.

Eventually she got to the ones she liked, those from her crew. Cora sending encouraging poems, Liam suggesting ideas on movies for the movie night they were planning, Drack sharing non secretive recipes with her, and so on. Lounging back in her chair, she propped her feet on the desk and sipped on her iced tea, making note to buy more of this angaran tea when they went back to Aya.

_A Communication from your friend Jaal_

“So cute,” she giggled, amused by the subjects he chose for his emails, always starting with the word ‘communication’. Thoughtlessly, she clicked on it while she continued sipping on her drink. 

‘Probably something about the Resistance,’ she thought and started reading. 

 

> _Dearest,_

It was probably a bad idea to gasp with liquid still in her mouth, some of it being aspirated into her trachea. Instantly she choked, lurching forward out of reflex and going into a coughing fit. She was all but a mess, her body trying to keep the fluid out of her lungs while her heart fluttered just upon reading that first word on Jaal’s email (but also because she was choking). 

“Sara, I detect a spike in your heart rate and fluid that has entered your trachea,” SAM, ever so helpful (no, really, she would be a mess without it) piped in

“Yeah,” Sara coughed, trying to calm her breathing and stop the coughing. “I felt that SAM.”

“Do you wish me to contact Dr. T’Perro?"

“No...no—I’m fine,” she wheezed, once the coughing subsided to something more occasional rather than constant. “Oh, Jesus...Oh, lord…” she breathed and composed herself best as she could, leaning forward until she was leaning against the desk to continue reading the email. Just wondering what came after ‘dearest’ had her blushing and her heart hammering in her chest. 

 

> _In your culture, is “dearest” too strong a word to use when two people are fond of each other? And is “fond” too strong a word to use when two people enjoy flirting with each other?_  

“HA!” she yelled in excitement and quickly slapped a hand over her mouth. Not a moment later, there was a knock rapping against her door. She realized then that it had been less of a yell and more of a mix between a screech and a scream—it probably echoed in the hallway. 

“Sara? Are you alright?” Cora called over the intercom, panic in her tone. 

Feeling guilty, Sara sighed and told SAM to let her in. “Hey! Sorry, I was...being loud. I’ll be quiet.” 

“You sure?” Cora quirked an eyebrow at her, inspecting her. “So you were screaming...because...?” 

“Umm, yes, sorry, uh—” she suddenly became aware that the email was open in the terminal still...and Cora was now looking at it. “Ah! I choked!” Hurriedly she whirled back in her chair and twisted the terminal’s monitor around. “...It’s smutty fanfiction...You caught me…” 

“Uh-huh…” the biotic had an amused glint in her eye and began walking back to the door. “So, I’ll leave you to that.”

“Thanks, Cora,” Sara laughed nervously. “I’ll try not too get too excited and be quiet.”

“Sure, Sara,” she called back. “Wish you could see the way he looks at you when you’re not looking,” Cora had quickly commented before the door slid closed behind her, laughing quietly to herself. 

“Fuckin—!” Sara grabbed the closest thing her hand found and flung it at the door...A bunched up candy wrapper falling pitifully just a few feet from her. “Smartass…Anyway!” she turned her attention back to the monitor, twisting it back around so she could continue reading. “SAM, can you soundproof the room? Just in case...” 

“Certainly, Sara,” the AI replied and she trusted he did so. 

 

> _I enjoy you. Even now, I smile picturing your face. Angara are free with our emotions, and it feels normal for me to lay mine at your feet. I hope this is not too strange for your species and that you can comfortably accept them._  
> 
> _I enjoy you—but more than that, I adore your strength and courage and beauty._
> 
> _Your dearest,_
> 
> _Jaal_

Sara found herself blushing madly, mouth agape and fiddling madly with the cords of her hoodie. She shouldn’t be shocked or excited for this email, after all, they _had_ been flirting. Just the other day they mutually confided they wished to keep spending time together, to know each other better...She _shouldn’t_ be so excited and yet she was. Why?

“Oh my god, what am I…” she started talking to herself, realization slowly dawning upon her features. “Holy shit...I like- _like_ him...I’ve got the biggest fucking crush I’m such a dense motherfucker. I’ve got a crush, I like him, I like him so much, I wanna kiss him, holy shit…”

By now SAM was used to Sara talking to herself, she did it often and at times even in front of the crew—it wasn’t a rare sight. Yet, the AI found it in itself to step into her conversation with herself.

“Sara, why did you not realize you had feelings for Mr. Ama Darav before if you were flirting with him already?”

Whirling in her chair, she faced SAM’s orb on her desk, fully aware she didn’t have to do that but it felt better to frown at _something_ rather than visualize it. “Because…! I don’t know, SAM, feelings can be confusing. Sometimes...I don’t know! I guess I was just happy enough to be friends with him that the thought of having something else didn’t occur to me…”

“Even if you flirted with him and he with you?” 

“Yes! Sometimes people just...flirt,” she shrugged and pouted. “And...I guess I wasn’t sure how to...go about it, considering I’m an alien to him so...Yeah, seems right...My mind neglected the possibility to avoid being...Or feeling…” 

“Rejected?” SAM finished the thought for her.

Meekly she nodded.

“Perhaps it would be wise to answer the email then,” SAM spoke again. “Unless you would prefer to ignore it.”

“I’m not gonna ignore it!” she huffed and turned back to her terminal. “You know you’re getting sassy lately, I’m rubbing off on you. Now shush, let me think on this.”

“Of course, Sara,” and with that SAM went silent, though she could picture it hovering over her shoulder with a teasing smirk on its face.

‘It’s just a crush you silly goose,’ she mentally chastised herself, fingers hovering over the holographic keyboard. ‘Don’t get _too_ excited. Angara are just very feelsy...That’s all…But they’re also honest in what they say...’ 

“Agh, screw it,” she cracked her knuckles, steeling herself for what she would write. “Honesty here I cooooome!” she sang to a made up tune and got to typing. 

 

> _Lovely sweet Jaal,_
> 
> _That’s not something I can straight up answer with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Because it is both a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’. Personally, it is not too strong for me...Mainly because I too am fond of you and I too enjoy flirting with you (I’m so glad flirting seems to be universal ;) )_
> 
> _Wow, you really meant it when you said getting to know me better is a gift. I guess what I’m trying to say is I do enjoy you, too. And I admire you and I think you’re great and I like being around you (but you already knew this didn’t you? I told you :p). You know what, honestly, I’m super stoked angara are free with emotions, it’s actually easier to deal with feelings this way (how did you say way back? you just deal with the consequences of expressing emotions freely? yeah, yeah I like that)._
> 
> _Your loveliest,_
> 
> _Sara Ariadne_

 

 

> _PS. Thanks for fixing my shotgun again, I could kiss you! MUAH!_

 “And send,” she hit the ‘send’ button dramatically, the last thing her eyes saw before the message closed being ‘loveliest’ and ‘I could kiss you! MUAH!’, her eyes widening in horror, “NO!” she screeched, grabbing the terminal screen and shaking it. What was she thinking?! That was too much!...Right?

“Sara?” SAM spoke after minutes in silence.

“No, that last sentence was too much, god!” she let her forehead fall against the desk, groaning. She just had to write from the heart, didn’t she? “The thirst is real...Jesus…”

“Perhaps you could finish your drink now,” SAM suggested innocently.

“That’s not what I mean, SAM,” she whined. “It means I got it _bad_ for Jaal. That I like him too much.”

“Oh,” SAM said, unusually short in its reply yet its tone seemed to carry some emotion. “From what I’ve gathered so far through your interactions with Mr. Ama Darav, I do not think he will mind.”

“Thanks, SAM,” she sighed and pushed herself away from her desk. “Well, that’s enough emails for today and that’s enough of today, I’m bushed. Night, SAM.”

Seeing as she was already in her pajamas, she merely pulled off her hoodie and jumped in bed. Oh her dreams would be interesting tonight, she mused, blushing at the possibilities. Honestly, a pervy dream involving Jaal would be a welcome change to the nightmares she had at least twice a week. She just hoped Jaal didn’t take that last line in her message as crossing a line.

Just as she got comfy under the covers, she frowned upon seeing the lights were still on. SAM usually turned off her lights the moment she announced she was heading to sleep and got in bed. Actually, SAM hadn’t said ‘good night’ as it usually did.

“Umm...SAM? Lights off please? Also you didn’t wish me good night?” Sara quipped, quirking an eyebrow at the blue hovering orb upon her desk.

“You haven’t brushed your teeth, Sara,” SAM replied instantly.

“Oh come on!” she huffed and kicked under her covers, glaring at the orb. “Come on, man, I’m comfy already!”

“Sara…” SAM didn’t have to form a complete sentence to let her know she would not have peace until she complied.

Sara whined but nonetheless yielded to the AI’s demands for good oral hygiene. “Ugh, fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to my beta-reader the_wrote (@goodbibarbarella @ tumblr) for the help/suggestions! <3 And thanks to anyone who's left kudos so far, I appreciate feedback so kudos/comments always welcome ^^ Hope you guys like this chapter it was super fun to write uwu
> 
> As always I can also be found in tumblr @animarosa if anyone wants to talk/fangirl uwu


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I was a tad busy! As always thanks to my beta-reader the_wrote (goodbibarbarella @ tumblr) for helping me make this readable <3 Kudos and feedback are love, hope you guys like this one!

Numb. She was simply numb, her mind burying her self-inflicted problem to the back of her priorities just so she could make it through a meeting with Nexus leadership. Her father’s death, becoming Pathfinder, trying to live up to everyone’s impossible expectations (while competing with her father’s shadow), and now the lies she told Julian when she spoke to him through his SAM implant. How she hadn’t simply broken down into uselessness was beyond her.  


The moment the meeting was over and she began rushing back to the Tempest, SAM finally spoke through their private channel. 

‘Sara...Your mood has been noticeably affected since your talk with Julian. Do you wish to speak of what’s bothering you?’

Outwardly she sighed in exasperation while she answered SAM in her mind. ‘I think you know, SAM. Please, don’t ask me again.’

There was a moment of silence, as if the AI was hesitating on how to respond. ‘I apologize, Sara. I thought it would be best to ask you directly.’

If she didn’t know better, she would say SAM sounded almost hurt by her dismissive attitude. Great, she thought, now she felt worse. Here was her AI, learning about emotions and seemingly developing his own, and she was no doubt making him feel like a nuisance. ‘Alright, fair. But no, SAM, I don’t want to talk about it so just...don’t...I’m sorry, I don’t mean to hurt you, I promise. I just...want to be alone to my thoughts right now...Please.’

‘Understood, Sara.’

At least SAM complied with her wishes. However, she couldn’t say the same of her crew. Perhaps they hadn’t boarded the Tempest yetl. All she had to do was sneak in, run to the stairs and lock herself in her room. Easy. All she needed was a bit of time alone, she pondered. Her crew needed their Pathfinder, not a weepy mess of a woman whining about how much of a liar she is—she just needed a few hours to get her emotional shit back together before she broke under the pressure. 

However, as luck would have it, the moment she was about to slide down the stairs to her room, she noticed Jaal on the other side of the hallway, walking towards her, smiling warmly. She cursed him in her mind, not out of spite, no, but because his very presence welcomed her, made her want to speak with him and vent to him but...she couldn’t. She wouldn’t place that burden on him...Besides, angara were honest people; what would he think of her found out she lied to her own flesh and blood, out of selfishness no less.

“Sara Ariadne, my dearest friend,” he announced, the smile on his face slowly fading, instead glancing curiously at her, “I did not expect you to be back so soon. Did something happen?”

“Jaal, hey,” she tried her best to smile, to fake it and act as she normally did with him. Instead, she was sure the expression looked forced and her face strained. “Yeah, just, got a lot to catch up on and...I should ask you the same, why are you back so soon?”

His lips twitched, as if trying to contain himself from smiling, glancing away from her momentarily. “Working on a bit of a...project, if you would call it that,” he chuckled. “By the way...how’s your brother? You rushed off earlier saying something about being allowed to speak to him through...SAM?”

There it was, the question she dreaded. She must have flinched and barely realized it, for Jaal frowned, looking to her with worry. So much for hiding her inner turmoil. “Oh...yeah. Yeah, through his SAM implant,” hurriedly she explained, nearly tripping over her words, fidgeting mindlessly with her fingers. “Umm...he’s doing alright. You know, he’s antsy to recover already...So eager to join me…”

“That is good to hear,” Jaal replied with a small smile, though his eyes were ever watchful of her body language. Watchfully his gaze shifted quickly between her face and hands, a knowing look in his eyes. “It would be a delight to have another Ryder in the crew.”

“Yeah, of course,” she laughed nervously, scratching at the back of her neck, glancing away from his inspecting eyes. 

“Ariadne?” He caught her attention again by using her middle name, as he usually did when they were alone and sharing their thoughts. Placing a hand on her shoulder, he asked, “Are you...well? Your face is...happy but your eyes are not. Not as they usually are...You’re also more quiet my dearest friend.”

“Ah, just tired,” she reasoned, trying to reassure him and surely failing. This man knew her so well already, down to her body language, so much so that it amazed her. She thought he’d had to learn to read her better as she wasn’t so out there with her emotions as angara were (though by Jaal’s own admission, she was much more expressive than other humans). “Just finished meeting with Nexus directives, ah...got a lot to report on...Been lazy,” she laughed loudly, snorting. Slowly she began inching towards the stairwell. “I should probably get to that, Jaal. I’ll...leave you to your project.”

“Of course,” Jaal smiled, almost sadly, following her with his gaze as she slid down the stairs. Clearly he wouldn’t push her, he knew this already, but he needed to let her know she could speak out if she so desired. “Ariadne?” he called for her once she was downstairs, looking up at him with a quirked brow.

“Yeah?”

“I’m...here for you. Anything you need,” he promised in earnest, his tone unwavering, his electric blue eyes warm but filled with worry.

“...Thank you, Jaal,” she replied quietly, almost a whisper, barely unable to hide the sadness in her tone. With a nod up at him she finally slid into her quarters. Loudly sighing, she slumped against the wall next to her door, hugging her knees to her chest once she was on the floor. God, how she hated herself for that awfully short conversation. Of course he would notice something amiss, he wasn’t a fool. She was usually loud, eager to speak with him and share their hobbies together. Resigned, she told herself repeatedly he was too good for her–she didn’t even deserve him as a friend. She wouldn’t burden him, she refused to, despite her heart yearning to be listened by him, to be comforted by his soothing words.

They were back on Eos to finally deal with the kett stronghold there. On the way to the marked nav point, Jaal and Liam both noted the ride on the Nomad was too quiet. No music blaring from the speakers, and Sara wasn’t singing for them. 

Jaal grew more concerned, at this point thinking he might be the problem. Initially he’d thought that maybe she was having second thoughts about their friendship, maybe she’d gotten tired of expressing herself and he’d exhausted her. He didn’t want this to be true, he yearned for the root of her problem to be something else–anything but him. After they’d grown so close, the thought of rejection distressed him. It was...difficult, not bringing his concerns forward to her, simply thinking to give her some space. 

Then again, he reasoned in an attempt to comfort himself, she had been keeping to herself since their last visit to the Nexus. Everyone had been commenting on it while she was out of earshot. No. It wasn’t him then, it couldn’t be. Something happened that day at the Nexus and she was refusing to speak of it to anyone, always insisting that she was fine.

Regardless of the uncomfortable silence, they still went over the attack plan again and soon found themselves raiding the weakened kett fortress. Ryder was more aggressive than usual in her combat, Jaal noted. Though she wasn’t afraid of charging into battle, this time around she seemed to almost relish in getting up close and personal with the kett. Rage was written all over her battle cries, biotic blasts and shotgun shots. Any other day he would say she was a sight to behold, a goddess of the battlefield. Today was not one of those days. There was an erratic and almost reckless pattern to her attacks, and Jaal found himself hyper vigilant of her, fearful she might seriously get hurt. 

Soon enough they found themselves deep inside the stronghold, so close to the Invictor’s lair. 

“Alright, we’re cornering that asshole. Let's keep the others from doing the same to us–” Liam had begun reviewing their strategy when Sara began crackling with unreleased biotic energy. “Ryder? What are you–”

Before Liam could finish or Jaal could protest, Sara gave a loud, raging scream and surged forward quickly in a powerful Charge, disappearing in an electric blue blur. She slammed into an Anointed kett, the blast from her attack throwing it and all others in the periphery flying through the air, slamming against walls and some not even getting back up. 

“What is she doing?!” Liam yelled, going after Ryder with Jaal closely flanking him. 

“I suspect Ryder isn’t in the best mental state to battle,” Jaal commented loudly, carefully aiming his shots while also making haste after Ryder before she hurt herself. “Something is wrong with her.”

“Yeah no kidding, she’s been weird for a while now,” Liam huffed, running alongside Jaal, the next hallway cleared of enemies thanks to Ryder’s violent outburst. “Man she’s fast!”

The Pathfinder left a trail of destruction behind her, booms of biotic explosions heard in the distance. Both Jaal and Liam knew that abusing her biotics could overload her implant and exhaust her. From the looks of how fast she was blasting through the kett, she was bound to fatigue herself quickly.

“Jaal, Liam, please help her,” SAM was the one to speak over their comms now. “She is refusing to listen to me. I fear her erratic behavior could result in serious injury. Ryder is abusing her biotics. Please.”

There was almost a plea to SAM’s tone, one could even say it sounded like fear. Jaal could only imagine that for SAM it must feel like he was trapped in Ryder’s body and only being able to watch helplessly if she got hurt. 

Jaal nodded, realizing then that SAM wouldn’t see that and quickly added, “We’re on our way, SAM. Liam, quickly!” he rushed his friend, running faster still while remaining cautious of any kett still alive.

“She has found the Invictor,” SAM announced over the comms.

“Almost there!” Liam announced, quickly checking the nav point SAM had set up for Sara’s location.

Soon enough they found her facing off by herself against the Invictor. Both of them quickly set to helping her, SAM reminding them that she was starting to exhaust herself. Jaal tried to keep close to her but she made it difficult, constantly moving from cover to cover and charging against the Invictor whenever she had the chance, getting up close and personal when their shields broke down. 

Thankfully, the Pathfinder team soon gained the upper hand, Liam and Jaal laying heavy fire against the Invictor’s shield and Ryder getting up close with her biotics flaring and shotgun ablaze. 

Just when it seemed they were about to win, Sara’s shields broke down and she took a hit, crashing into the ground. She heaved, biotics briefly crackling around her before she let out a pained yelp, a hand coming up to the back of her head. Wincing, she tried to crawl out of the way and into cover. Jaal panicked, having been hidden in his tactical cloak and firing from a safe distance. Without thinking, almost as if it was second nature to him, he sprinted towards her just as the Invictor was about to discharge its massive area attack. He lunged for her just as his tactical cloak expired, easily scooping her up by the waist and jumping out of the way just in time, the Invictor’s attack crackling on his heels. Landing on his back, he held Sara close to him as they rolled on the floor and came to a stop when they crashed against a wall. 

Sara shook her head, trying to find her bearings just as Jaal was giving her a quick once over, checking for injuries. There was no time for questions, Jaal found himself on his feet once more, taking the chance that Liam had just taken a good shot at the Invictor’s shield and disabled it once more. With his careful and deadly precise aim, he fixed his scope on the Invictor’s head and took a shot, green splattering up through the air, the kett’s lifeless body dropping to its knees.

“Holy shit…” Liam jogged up to Jaal and Sara, trying to catch his breath. “That was a close one…”

Meanwhile, Jaal had promptly holstered his rifle and turned to Sara, helping her to her feet. Now, with no danger to their lives, he inspected her more carefully before she waved him away, an annoyed glint in her green eyes. 

“Sara?” he asked, concern heavy in his tone. Wide, light blue eyes followed her as she walked around him and Liam. “Are you well? Did you injure yourself?”

“I’m fine,” she replied, the same response she constantly gave lately whenever someone asked how she was holding up. Sara refused to look at him or Liam in the eye, instead beginning to walk away. “Just overcharged my implant a tad, nothing serious.”

“Yeah, what the hell, Ryder?” Liam bounded after her as they began tracing their steps out of the stronghold. “I mean, cool, you really laid it on them but that was really risky, even for me. You left us in the dust–”

“Okay, sorry, sorry!” she huffed in annoyance, frowning and holding her hands up defensively. Letting out a frustrated breath and removing her helmet, she went on, “I just...wanted to be over with this as fast as possible. I won’t do it again. Now let’s drop it and go back to the ship, alright?”

Jaal and Liam looked at each other with concern, neither trusting what she said. Clearly she was still hiding something and whatever it was, it was bothering her to the point that it was affecting her performance and endangering her life. Jaal inwardly sighed, trying to think on how he would attempt to get her to finally speak on what was going on with her, or at least stop denying that she was fine. He missed his dear friend and he would only be consumed by guilt if he did nothing while she so obviously suffered.

As expected, Lexi heavily questioned her and chastised her for putting her life in danger like she did. Her implant was fine but she had overcharged it, so for now it was best to rest. Good, she could easily sleep for a week if only her mind let her. 

“I’m fine…” Sara said when Lexi asked again once she finished the examination and gave her some meds.

“You keep saying that but no one is actually believing it anymore, you know?” Lexi shook her head, taking a step back and leaning against the free cot. Staring at Ryder, she tried to relax her posture, trying to seem more welcoming. “Sara, you know we all care about you, right? But we can’t help you if you close on yourself like you’re doing.”

Sara sighed and rolled her shoulders, forcing herself to meet Lexi’s gaze. “I know...I guess, I’ve just been more tired lately, I–”

“Sara,” Lexi interrupted her, giving her a look that clearly stated she didn’t believe her. “You’ve been acting differently since...Well, since you spoke with Julian Scott through his SAM implant.”

Sara fell quiet for a moment, gaze falling to the floor. So, people were starting to connect the dots? Great, she thought, fearful of truly speaking of what had transpired. “I already told you, we just...talked a bit about what had happened,” she retorted, avoiding her gaze and biting down on her lower lip anxiously. “It was just stressful, okay? I just...I just want him back with me. I miss him…”

Lexi nodded and pushed herself away from the cot. She’d heard that before and she knew that wasn’t the entirety of it. “Would you like to talk more about it? Between having your twin still in a coma and all the responsibilities you have...I know it can’t be easy, Sara. It can be extremely overwhelming.”

Sara tensed at the invitation to talk more. A part of her screamed at her to just get it over it and let someone, anyone, know the cruel lies she had told her brother, to expose herself as a selfish liar. Yet, that other part of her held fast to her, cowered in fear in a corner, trembled at the thought of exposing herself as a liar, as a weakling, as someone who was barely holding it together since her father died. 

“Sara?”

Lexi’s voice brought her back out of her thoughts and she realized she’d stared off. Worse than that, her heart was hammering fast against her chest, tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

“Not today, Lexi, honestly–” she hurriedly said and jumped down from the cot, making a beeline for the med bay’s door. “–I’m just really, really tired today after that whole...mess. Tomorrow...I promise, tomorrow we can talk.”

Though she sighed, Lexi nodded. That was truly the most progress they’d made in talking in the last two weeks. At least now she was admitting there was more to speak of instead of denying it. “Alright, Sara. Tomorrow.”

With that, Sara walked the short distance to her room, closing the door behind her. Plopping face down on her bed, she let out a frustrated groan. She had really messed up today. Not only had she endangered herself, she’d highly distressed SAM and put Jaal and Liam in danger as well. Reaching for her pillow, she screamed into it, hoping to spit out all the self-loathing that was eating at her psyche since she lied to Julian. Hoping to stop worrying whether she was living up to the Pathfinder title, to stop the hurt in her heart over her father’s death, still so fresh in her mind despite being months old by now. 

With a huff she flipped over, glaring up at the ceiling, refusing to cry. She would be strong, she had to be. There was no choice, she pondered, her crew needed a leader not a weeping baby. 

‘Sara...I believe Lexi may be right, talking about your feelings and concerns can help,’ SAM spoke through their private channel. 

Closing her eyes, she let out a deep breath. ‘No offense, SAM, but you’re learning about emotions through your experience with me, right?’ she replied in her mind. ‘How do you know it would help?’

For a moment he was silent and Sara had to admit, she was mildly impressed by how SAM seemed to be slowly developing his personality, even taking the time to process his thoughts. ‘When you thought Jaal might stay in Aya, your physical manifestations of your worry, namely your vital signs, markedly stabilized when Jaal admitted he would like to remain with your crew.’

‘Okay but I wasn’t exactly talking about my feelings was I?’ 

‘I wasn’t done, Sara,’ SAM interrupted her. ‘Similarly, in your time getting to know Jaal and sharing thoughts and concerns with him, your vital signs and your mood respond accordingly, in a positive manner. Though it mildly distressed you, you responded positively when Jaal comforted you when you admitted you are currently alone, without family present.’

Oh Jaal...Even she had to admit, SAM had a point, she just didn’t want to admit he did. She’d neglected her dear friend lately, her...crush. One would think she had stopped liking him by how distant she’d become in the last two weeks. It broke her heart and it only added another worry to her growing list–she wasn’t sure he would forgive her if she tried talking to him again like they did. Perhaps she could–

‘No,’ she fought against her own thought. ‘Jaal doesn’t need me bothering him with this...SAM, I don’t deserve him, I’ve...I’m not a good friend, I’ve neglected him…’

‘I have to disagree. Jaal has constantly asked about your well-being,’ SAM replied. ‘He might be the best person to speak with, he would not judge your feelings, Sara. I believe he would understand.’

Sara was about to respond when her door chime resonated in her room. Sitting up, she glanced at SAM’s orb over on the desk. 

‘It is Jaal,’ SAM announced in their channel. ‘Shall I let him in?’

Sara simply gaped at the door for a moment before she nodded, clearing her throat and coming to a stand. ‘Sure...let him in.’ 

The door swooshed open and Sara was beginning to regret it–she wasn’t sure she wanted to face Jaal right now. She hadn’t finished considering what she wanted to do and anxiety was starting to claw at her.

“Hey,” she greeted him, forcing a smile. “What’s up?”

“Sara,” Jaal replied in turn, brow pulled close with concern. The door closed behind him and he fidgeted with a small package held in his hand, opting to hide it under his rofjinn. He was used to some of her common expressions by now so he knew she didn’t mean what was literally ‘up’. Instead, he offered a concerned gaze, eyes soft and welcoming. For a moment he hesitated but pressed on, “I...don’t know how else to ask it but...I’m concerned about you. Are you...sure you’re alright? I was really worried about you today, at the stronghold–”

“Jaal, please stop,” Sara interrupted him, groaning but inwardly screaming, regretting everything she would say. Yet, she was terrified of opening up about what was eating at her, truly paralyzed, thus she reacted defensively. The frustration built up, dared to break the dam that was holding all of her emotions and concerns in the back of her mind. In not deciding what she wanted to do, she instead began lashing out. There was an anger that seemed directed at Jaal and her crew but only she knew it was truly aimed at herself. Lexi almost got her to talk, now Jaal was threatening to have her spill her feelings forth. “God, everyone keeps asking, it’s...starting to get annoying. Yeah, I rushed into the stronghold like crazy–”

Jaal interceded, tone deep and unwavering, unknowingly repeating what Lexi had said, “You’ve been acting differently since the last time we were at the Nexus.”

Sara gave him an incredulous look. No, not incredulity, shock. Shocked that he was just as observant as her physician. He was worried, so worried but she couldn’t put this baggage on him, wouldn’t let him see her be weak...could she? “What? No! I haven’t–Just, stop alright. Lexi’s already all up in arms about it. I’m fine, Jaal, just–”

“Sara, we haven’t actually spoken, not truly since that day. I’m worried–” Jaal insisted, taking a step closer to her, frowning with concern now. True to his word, angara did speak their minds when something was bothering them. 

“Just stop, Jaal, stop already!” Sara cut him off roughly and his eyes widened in shock. “How many times do I have to say I’m fine? Stop badgering me! I’m so fuckin’ tired of everyone asking me the same shit!” she regretted the words the moment they left her mouth. Slowly, her face contorted in anger, softened into one of shock and regret, slapping a hand over her mouth and avoiding Jaal’s eyes. It was a mistake to dare herself to look up at him, the hurt in those beautiful electric blue eyes sunk her heart to her stomach, made her sick of herself. 

He opened and closed his mouth several times, stammering on how to respond. Pulling his gaze from hers, he turned away. “I...I apologize, Ryder, I’ll...I’m sorry, truly. I’ll leave you be…” his tone was wavering, lips quivering as his eyes threatened to spill tears forth.

Jaal was walking towards her door, when something inside her just broke through, unable to hold back any longer. Having seen the deep hurt in Jaal’s gaze had been the final hit it took to break the dam holding back all the feelings she’d been holding back since Habitat 7’s disaster. The use of her last name instead of her name or nickname had stung more than she thought it would. A sob suddenly wracked through her and Jaal instantly turned, eyes wide in alarm. Quickly he ran back towards her when she shakily fell down to her knees, heaving in desperate breaths as she wept her heart out.

“Ari! Should I–” he gasped out her nickname and dropped to his knees before her, holding her by her upper arms.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m–I’m so sorry, I didn’t–didn’t mean to hurt you!” her shoulders shook as she managed to speak in between her violent sobbing. “I’m not fine! I haven’t...Jaal...I...I…”

“I’m here, Ariadne…Come here.” he pulled her into his arms, a hand soothingly running up and down her back. “Let it out…Don’t talk right now, just let it out…”

“Please don’t leave…! Please...I’m...you’re my friend...please…” she wept, hiccuping in between and buried her face in his shoulder, gripping tightly onto his rofjinn. It was like she feared that if she let him go he would be gone forever. Yet, he was here, he was holding her, comforting her... 

“I’m staying, Ariadne,” he reassured her, continuing his soothing motions, bringing a hand up to her head, patting her hair lightly. 

For a while she continued crying freely, eventually allowing Jaal to walk her to the couch. There he sat her and continued holding her close, pulling her legs across his lap. 

“My dearest, my dear Ariadne, you will be alright,” Jaal spoke against her hair, a hand soothingly rubbing up and down her forearm. After a few moments, he pulled back just slightly to place a finger under her chin, tipping it up to meet her red and puffy eyes, tears streaking down her cheeks. “This pain will pass, and I am here to aid you through this my dearest…” he reassured her, a soft and soothing tone to his deep baritone voice. Softly, he cupped her cheek, thumb softly wiping away tears as they fell.

“Jaal...You’re too...good to me…” she began taking measured breaths, her sobbing more controlled now. Only silent tears continued to fall as she leaned into his touch.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” he replied, tone free of judgement despite her earlier outburst. 

“I...neglected you these last two weeks…” she sniffed, leaning into his shoulder, a hand idly fixing the collar of his rofjinn. “And...I yelled at you...I shouldn’t have, I’m so sorry...I just...reacted badly, I think my mind was begging me to talk but another part of me was afraid of talking it out...Still, that doesn’t excuse my...actions...I apologize…”

“Apology accepted,” he said, holding her gaze. “But I’m not angry...I knew something was wrong...If you don’t feel like telling me yet, however–

“Jaal...I lied to Julian...I lied to my twin…” she hurriedly admitted just to get it out of the way now that he’d seen her break down. Gulping hard, afraid to be judged for it, she went on, “I told him...told him dad’s alive...and that Habitat 7...was being colonized...Fuck’s sake, I’m the worst sister...God, I thought...Thought it would...be best...to keep him calm...I thought it would aid his recovery but...Jaal, when he wakes up…”

“Oh Ariadne…” he breathed out, understanding written all over his gaze. Now it all made sense to him. Though angara valued honesty, he could see why she lied, even if it was clearly a mistake, one she had to face when her brother awoke. “Ari, he’s your twin...If your brother is anything like you, I’m sure he will understand. Even if it will surely hurt to know the truth...I can also imagine how terrible it must be, knowing something so heart wrenching while being unable to move or wake or...” he sighed, shaking his head at the thought, his heart heavy for Julian. “You couldn’t know how he would have reacted either…”

“That’s...That’s what I thought,” her shoulders shook and she sniffed, trying to keep herself calm. She wiped at her face and rubbed at her nose, breathing through her mouth by how stuffy her nose had gotten. SAM was right; there was an awful reality she had to face still, but she did feel better talking about this. “I still regret it though...I regretted it the moment I said it but...it was too late...The connection was done before I could say anything else.”

“My dearest Ariadne, if I had known sooner…” he let out a swift breath through his nose, softly stroking her hair, tucking a strand behind her ear. “From now on, I want you to know I am here for you, anything you need...You can tell me anything you wish to, I will not judge you…Not when you care so much about how you might have hurt your brother.”

Her lower lip quivered while she looked up at him with teary eyes, threatening to keep crying. Wiping at her eyes, she leaned against his shoulder. “Oh Jaal...I’m so foolish, I should have told you sooner…”

“Don’t say that, you are not foolish,” a light rumble reverberated through his chest, lightly chastising her for insulting herself. He grew quiet once more, allowing her the space to talk her mind at her own pace if she so wished it. Jaal seemed simply glad she was once more freely expressing herself again–even if it had involved crying. At least, he thought, she was comfortable enough around him that she expressed such strong emotions before him, and allowed him to comfort her.

Sara let out a shaky breath, suddenly feeling tired from their earlier battle and now having bawled her eyes out. Still, she found herself willing to speak more, feeling like she hadn’t talked–actually talked–with Jaal in ages. Eating, bathing and sleeping could wait for now. “I guess everything just suddenly felt...overwhelming. Too many things have been happening too fast, I...I just don’t think I’ve even processed dad’s death properly...And then there’s the role I’m trying to fill…” she paused, looking down at her hands, fidgeting with the hem Jaal’s rofjinn. “There’s so many things, Jaal...I think...I think lying to Julian just...it was my breaking point so I just...closed off…I wanted to seem strong...For you, for the whole crew...”

“But you were strong before this and you still are,” Jaal reassured her, taking one of her hands in his and giving it a light squeeze, catching her gaze once more. “You have learned from your mistakes and acknowledged when you’ve made them…” A sympathetic smile grazed his lips, adoration in his starry blue eyes. “You are doing great things, Sara Ariadne Ryder, and I admire you for it.”

Sara had looked up at him, feeling her cheeks burn when he took hold of her hand. Her mind tried to reason that it meant nothing, that angara were just very expressive and unafraid of showing those expressions in a physical manner. Still, she found herself endeared by the action and his words, seemingly always knowing what to say. “I am not my dad though…” A sigh parted her lips and she gazed towards the N7 helmet on her desk, a reminder of what she’d lost, a motivation to keep fighting. “I can’t live up to how great he was at...everything…I know things would be flowing much better if he was still here…” she lamented. 

“Perhaps,” Jaal pondered quietly, following her gaze before turning his full attention back to her. “But...perhaps not...We have no way of knowing how things would have turned out instead. What I do know it that you have held your ground against people who did not believe you could succeed. And you have succeeded against all odds...I think you are doing a fine job...And I don’t pretend to know your father but...I believe he would be proud of what you have achieved against all odds…”

“Gods…Are you real?” she finally let out a small, nasal laugh, rubbing her nose as she did so. “How did I end up with such a good friend like you, Jaal Ama Darav?”

“I should be asking you the same thing,” he grinned widely, visibly pleased with her small laugh. Rubbing small circles on the back of her hand, he asked in earnest, “How are you feeling?”

“Tired but...better. Relieved I finally just...let that out,” she admitted. Sara then curled into him, wrapping her arms around his thick neck and hugging him in earnest, feeling him return the gesture. “Thank you, Jaal...You’re the best…”

Jaal smiled, pleased with the softness of her hair against his cheek and cowl. “Oh! I nearly forgot,” he pulled away and gently removed her legs from across his lap, coming to a stand. Striding towards the door, he bent down to pick the small package he had been holding earlier. Looking almost bashfully, he walked back over to her and presented it to her. “I made something for you.”

“Jaal, come on,” Sara stared up at him, mouth agape. A pang of guilt pulled at her heart, feeling awful for her earlier outburst when this man had come to visit her bearing a gift for her.  “Jaal, I’ve done nothing to deserve it...especially not after these last two weeks...Especially after how I snapped at you earlier...” she pouted, glancing away, rubbing at her upper arms anxiously.

“My dear Sara Ariadne, I knew something was wrong with you, I just...didn’t know how to get you to speak of it. I thought you might appreciate this small gesture, even if you didn’t talk to me about what bothered you,” he said in earnest, sitting next to her and placing the neatly wrapped package in her lap. 

Sara couldn’t hold back from smiling warmly at him, she only regretted having been so distant lately with him but she was eternally grateful for his patience with her. Silently she promised herself she would be more forthcoming with him, even if it was something negative bothering her, even if she thought he might judge her...Maybe the angara way of being honest and expressive of their true feelings was truly better, allowing less room for misunderstandings.

Setting her thoughts aside, Sara finally set to opening the package, undoing the bow carefully and unwrapping what was inside. A gasp left her breathless, her face lighting up like it hadn’t in awhile, holding up a beautiful scarf. It was a deep purple color, interspersed with delicate flowery patterns (some from Earth, others she recognized from Aya), and its edge adorned with small tassels. And soft, oh so soft and warm, so much so that she pressed it eagerly to her face, only her excited but puffy eyes staring lovingly at Jaal.

“Jaal! It’s beautiful! I…I love it…” Still sensitive about her emotional breakdown, she almost couldn’t take the beautiful gesture this wonderful man had bestowed upon her. If she didn’t like him before, she was entirely sure she was truly falling for him now. Yet, it didn’t prevent the tears from escaping her eyes once more. 

“Ariadne!” Jaal gasped, tone full with worry as he turned towards her, a hand on her back, soothing. “I can change it, I’m sorry, I–”

“They’re happy tears, Jaal…” she was quick to reassure him, laughing lightly and glancing up at him, smiling. “Thank you...Come here you…” she pulled him tight into another hug then.

“Oh...I’m glad then...I’m really glad,” Jaal chuckled, returning her hug and patting her back lightly. On her suggestion, he helped her put on the scarf. Deft hands adjusted it until her neck was completely covered, draping the fabric across her shoulders and framing her oval face beautifully. Warmly he smiled at her. “It suits you.”

Sara blushed at that, pulling the scarf closer to her face. With lighthearted laugh, she said in jest, “Now I’ll whine less when we’re in Voeld.”

They spent the rest of the evening idly talking, almost as if they were catching up after time apart, despite having been on the same ship the whole time. Truly, they were both glad they were on good terms again, with promises made of not being afraid to rely on one another, to be forthcoming and honest, even when things could seem to be set against them. For Sara there were still difficult matters she had to face head on, but for now she truly knew Jaal would be there for her despite all odds, just as she would for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to the_wrote for beta-reading this! <3 This will be mostly an exploration of Ryder/Jaal's relationship following the game's chronology (mostly) with my own interpretation of what happens in between the romance scenes based on my Ryder's experiences/choices. Kudos and comments are love, lemme know what you think uvu Also I can be found in tumblr @animarosa, go talk ME:Andromeda and Jaal with me over there!


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